When we was in the city, we was wonderin' where to go.
The sign spelled out "Pagliacci" up in lights above a show.
We thought 'twould be a Western, 'til the stage lit up with light,
And ninety-seven people sung without a horse in sight!
We couldn't understand 'em 'cause spoke a furr'in tongue,
But we can give you some idea of what we think they sung...

Ridi, Pagliacio!! Sul tu'amore infranto

All at once there's a fat guy in a clown suit.
T'ain't Haller-ween, that's fer shore.
Then this here feller, this Punchy Neller,
Begins to beller . Like we all was deef.

Aaaahh ha haa haa haa haa

That was Pal-yat-chee, and he sung:

Invest in a tuba, and sum'pin' or other 'bout Cuba.
He sung about a lady, who weighed two-hunderd and eighty!
When she takes a powder, he just starts chirpin' louder,
And he don't do a gol' darn thing, 'cept to stand up there and sing.

When we listen to Pal-yat-chee,
We get itchy and scratchy.
This sure is top corn,
So we go and buy some popcorn;
We hate to go back,
But we can't get our dough back,
Ain't no use complainin'
'Cause outside it's a-rainin'.

Seven hours later,
We're still in the durn theater.
Takin' turns a-nappin'
Waitin' for somethin' to happen.

Pal-yat-chee, he ain't hurryin'
But the folks on stage are flurryin'
And it sounds like Ketchy-tur-eean's Sabre Dance.

Then ol' Pal-yat-chee finds the guy he seekin' cheek to cheekin' with his wife,
He grabs the knife and stabs the louse who stole his spouse,
And then he stabs the lady and himself.
T'ain't very sanitary.
They all collapse, but ol' Pal-yat-chee sets up,
Then he gets up singin' "I am dyin', I am dyin', I am dyin''"
We start cryin', 'cause, to tell the truth, we're dyin', too.

As the footlights fade out,
We see Pal-yat-chee laid out,
But the dagger never caused it.
Pal-yat-chee was plumb exhausted.

Ridi, Pagliacco! Sul tu'amore in....